highlyeccentric | I don't want to talk about it (Reply)

1. the workshop I had planned via CUSO didn't get enough doctoral student sign-ups, I left it really late to postpone (desperately trying to advertise), and now I have to deal with the clusterfuck

2. the professors spoke to MF re my Conduct, namely:
i. something about "must direct students needing accomodations through the study counsellors", which is weird, because I ... do that? I think the problem is I've been doing that and THEN double-checking with the study counsellors myself, basically annoying HH. We had a conversation where I was enquiring about my failing student, who had only JUST told me she has an ongoing medical issue, and I was like "aargh i tell them to come and talk to me" and she gave me a really weird look and said "not the study counsellors?". Yeah, I then redirect them to the study counsellors, but FUNNILY ENOUGH most people trust the teacher who they see every week, assuming that teacher is not an arsehole, over a randomly appointed member of staff. (MF and I concluded that the problem may be that I was engaging in too much HORIZONTAL communication, discouraged in Bern)
ii. my habit of working in the common room, alongside students of mixed levels, has raised eyebrows. And yet no one spoke TO ME about it? Bern is super weird re horizontal communication.

3. I already knew I was getting into a... weird-ass situation vis a vis students. Hilariously the students who are in MY class are not the problem! I had a few lovely Fridays quietly working with Mx Puck, occasinally swapping amusing things we found or bitching about content. FG, though; I don't regret having been there to see FG had a course content problem (even though per instructions filtered down from the professors' meeting I should have sent her to HH not her teacher? Bullshit. I went with her to her teacher, my immediate colleague) re triggers. Her teacher knew about it but did not comprehend the scale of the problem. FINE. Except I got... look, it took me a while to figure it out but i somehow got triggered/hypervigilant myself. WEIRD AS FUCK.
I've also had a massive case of Mentionitis re MK, one of the BA/MA bridge students (they can start their MA courses in their major while finishing their BA minor). MK is 25, I'm not being an ultra-creep, but... yeah.

4. The problem is: the English department queer students are heavily trans/nonbinary, and speak ENGLISH, and a. can advise me from that point (I do only seek advice from the MA students), but also just... are much more chill about weird-ass, constantly shifting gender status than EITHER cis queers my age OR straight people OR even the few trans people I know my age/stage around here. If I want to be around people who do not care if I wear a skirt or butch up... yeah, here they are.

5. Another problem: I am struggling with being alone. The people who figured out their gender because in isolation they didn't have to Perform, finally? NOT ME. My brain goes buzz when left to itself, especially sans cat. It goes buzz around straight people. It calms the fuck down around other queers, and especially other trans people and especially messy trans people.

I do not have the werewithal to analyse this properly right now.

I can report that today I:

- sorted my budget
- talked to Shiny
- napped
- made tray-bake chicken AND endive and peach and spinach salad
- put some plants in the plant stand friend G and I assembled last weekend.