Strong Verbs Are Just Better

I neither attended the funeral nor picked up Mum yesterday, but I did drive in to town to see her. I ended up going in later than I had planned because I needed to psych myself up to it (and eat lunch). You see, in this case, driving somewhere familiar was worse than driving somewhere new, because:

1. I once knew the route by heart - because the private hospital she’s in is tucked in behind John Hunter, and when I was on my Ls I was seeing a guy who lived on the other side of the main road from John Hunter. Hence many of my learner hours were racked up on exactly that route, and my particular personal nemesis, the Russel Road / Croudace St traffic light (stop/start traffic on a steep hill) looms large in my memory.

2. I have taken Dad’s car various places but I’m pretty sure the last time i actually took it to Newcastle I panicked trying to change lanes on Industrial Drive and over-corrected smack into a fence.

So I had to psych myself up with reminders that, variously: the nemesis intersection can’t hurt me, because it’s almost impossible to stall an automatic car even on a hill start; I regularly drive on Parramatta Road which is objectively Worse; and that L-plate era me would like to remind me that going toward the hospital is easier because it’s easier to turn right onto industrial drive then left off it than left onto and right off it.

And so it came to pass, and driving was not scary, etc.

Which brings us to: Pride

I left the hospital desiring to get my glasses fixed & make it home before Dad and co got back. Mum assured me they would feed themselves en route but I had said I’d have something easy to cook.

Destination: Jesmond. A suburb I have been to only a couple of times & I’ve certainly never driven to the shops there.

Problem: there’s no mobile reception in the hospital basement car park with which to prime Google maps.

Achievement: I successfully drove myself there using only road signage and my sense of direction! I strutted into Jesmond shops feeling like king of - well, not the world, just king of a small patch of Known Geography.

And then: Matters cascade

The vyvanse drained out of my brain like power from an iPhone battery in 0 degree weather. I wandered, increasingly stupid, around Jesmond looking for Specsavers. I decided to grocery shop there, so that I could buy a Coke & consume emergency dex.

And then! The city ganged up on me, starting with the fact that I had parked in the weirdest parking spot in Jesmond and to get out had to reverse UP the lane and then do a reverse six point turn under the amused gaze of the auto detailing guy. Then… I have complaints.

A: Maitland Road goes to Newcastle but Newcastle Road does not go to Maitland (a perennial complaint of mine)

B: The roads are not where they used to be! (Literally: they’ve built a shiny bypass)

C: Both google maps and urban design/ traffic flow planning wanted me ON THAT BYPASS, but I needed fuel, and motorways do not have petrol stations.

D: Once one has reached the BP on Newcastle Road westbound, one is stuck going southwest - and worse, if one makes an incorrect lane choice at the monstrously large roundabout, one finds oneself on a different main route, one which eventually becomes the Newcastle Link Road, facing signage that cheerfully points towards Sydney.

E. Google maps thinks it is legal to u-turn at traffic lights. It is not. Several of these intersections have a special sign reminding one that it is never legal to do so.

And that is how I took a twilight tour of the suburb of Shortland, and ended up home a full hour later than the relatives who had traveled twice as far.

If you consider this screenshot map, reconstructing where I had proudly navigated myself to by memory, my prospective routes out of town (blue) and where I ended up (yellow), you will see that, in fact…

Pride goeth before Wallsend